How to Find a Mate by Deacon Antonio

June 15, 2012 / MariaNews.com 

How to Find a Mate

By Deacon Antonio Sandoval

            (Probably most of you are at a stage in life where this information isn’t personally useful, but considering the status of marriage in our society, this essay contains something you should share with your children or grandchildren.)

Some 55 years ago there was a student named Cruz at the college which later became the University of Northern Colorado.  Cruz would kneel by his bed every night and asked God to help him find a woman who would be a good wife for him. When his classmates found out about the object of his prayers, they constantly made fun of him.  “Hey Cruz, don’t you think you’re man enough to find your own woman, so you have to ask God for help?”  Two years ago I met Cruz, now retired, and still married to the same woman he married more than 50 years ago.  Many of the classmates whose ridicule he endured had married and divorced.

Jason and Crystalina Evert, a young couple, who wrote the book entitled, “How to Find Your Soul Mate Without Losing Your Soul”, give this advice to young people:  Don’t search for a mate; follow Jesus, and as you follow, look around at the other singles who are also following Jesus.  That’s where you can find your mate.”

The wife of one of the deacon candidates in a class I teach said, “When I was single I asked God to give me a man who loved Him [God] more than he loved me. I believed that with that kind of a man I would be safe. God answered my prayer, and I have been very happy with our marriage and the prayer life I share with my husband.

Johnette Benkovic of Women of Grace (EWTN Program) says that there should be a “season of friendship” before a couple enters into the romance stage of their relationship.  Considering the moral attitudes of modern society, I modify Johnette’s advice with two adjectives: “There should be a season of chaste, disinterested friendship before romance”. I’d say that if a potential mate is not interested in a season of chaste disinterested friendship, without any expectations beyond the joy of being friends, then he or she will probably not be the best spouse for you.  It is important for couples to have the unity of friendship before romance because romantic love without friendship is most often based on physical attraction and emotions.  When the physical attraction and emotions wane, as very often happens, then the couple has very little left, and concludes that they don’t love each other, and they begin to entertain thoughts of separation.

The famous Father Patrick Peyton also known as the “Rosary Priest” coined the slogan, “The family that prays together, stays together”.  Sociological studies have confirmed that couples who pray together, worship together, and read the Word of God together almost never divorce.  And certainly, it is better if prayer, Scripture reading and worship together begin before the irreversible step into marriage is taken.

Let us pass these thoughts on to our young people and we will be contributing to a better tomorrow for both the Church and society.

Read more from Deacon Antonio here: http://marianews.com/wordpress/category/readersblog/deacon-antonio/

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Antonio is a retired deacon in the Archdiocese of Denver. Last September his wife, Maud, was diagnosed with multiple myeloma, a form of cancer. They were told that she didn’t have long to live. Since she is 83 years old, they decided to refuse the chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Last October they were sent to Hospice. They have now been there for 8 months. Antonio’s wife is not experiencing the symptoms of multiple myeloma other than the fact that she cannot move and has to stay in bed all the time. She is also in the last stages of Alzheimer’s disease. You prayers will be appreciated. Antonio spends the entire day with his wife.

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